Monday, July 6, 2015

I'm Sorry Lou Holtz

The news reported the other day that Lou Holtz's house was heavily damaged by fire from a possible lightning strike.  Let's just say that my family knows better.  I am not sure what Mr. Holtz ever did to Maddie Little, but it must have been really, really horrible.  I am pretty sure the two never met, and I don't think she ever even saw him from afar, but I can't think of anyone who could make her blood pressure rise more.  Poor Jason caught the brunt of her anger on Saturday's.  Jason would be at home watching a football game and the phone would ring.  He would answer and Grandma would be on the line screaming "did you see what that son of a ***** just did.  What an a******e.  I can't stand that man" and then she would hang up.  Jason didn't even get to respond.  On a good day he would get one call.  The more the cameras showed Lou, the more phone calls Jason got.  We aren't really sure why she just didn't turn the channel. I guess for her it was like a train wreck.  Horrible to watch, but just can't keep looking.  Sometimes for fun we would just say his name to see the reaction.  Sometimes it was subtle.  A simple "hmph", roll of the eyes, and she would try and ignore us, but most of the time we got the list of expletives that she used to describe him.  The one I never understood was when she used to yell at the tv saying "Look at him.  He looks like a woman". The SOB is a woman".  Grandma was kind of a feminist in her own way so that one just didn't make sense.  When he left Notre Dame it only got worse.  Thank God she never got to see him as an analyst. I think it would have sent her over the edge.

Me personally, I could care less about Lou Holtz. Seems like he was a pretty good coach and inspired many players.  I mean, it's not like he is that a*****e Lane Kiffin, right.

So, Mr. Holtz, on behalf of the Little family we apologize for what our Grandma Little did to your house.  I am sure you noticed that there was an increase in thunderstorms around you since she passed.  I am sure she had been aiming for you since she got up there.  She didn't have very good aim, but she must have met some angel who is a USC fan who helped her finally hit her mark.