I'd like to say that I was the best mom in the world, but I don't think I was. I suffered from post-partum depression but nobody really talked about it then so I suffered in silence. I think motherhood is harder for control freaks. I was the one who was always in control, but not now. I did ok when people were around, but when it was just the two of us I didn't know what to do with him. With the help of a pacifier and a swing we eventually got into a groove. My friend Diane calls the early stages of infancy the pupa stage and I think this is spot on. I did much better once Liam actually started to do and notice things.
I think looking back over the years what amazes me most is not how much Liam has changed, but how much he has stayed the same. The first time my friend Torie saw Liam she commented that he was an old soul and I agree. Even when he was a toddler he acted like a forty year old man. He would stand and raise his arm with his index finger extended and proclamate his thoughts. When he was cast as the Mayor of Munchkin Land in the Wizard of Oz we felt it was a typecast. He has always been headstrong. A trait that I admire, but is difficult to deal with as a parent. The toddler years were a little rough at times, and I think I would just like to forget most of his transition through puberty.
School was always interesting. At his first parent/teacher conference in preschool the teachers sat us down and told us how bright he was and felt he was very intelligent, but they expressed their concerns about the fact that Liam did not like to color. Hmmm- at his conference last year the English teacher told me how bright he was and expressed her concern at how he didn't like to do his homework. Somehow we have made it through and unless something drastic happens he will be graduating with an advanced diploma in the spring. He is even considering a career in teaching, which I think is a testament to all of his teachers over the years.
I could go on and on with stories as all parents can, but instead I would like to use this time to thank all of you who have helped form Liam into the young man that he is today. To my husband- Thank you for stepping in and teaching Liam how to be a good responsible man. To my parents- saying Thank You for everything isn't enough, but Thank You. To any of you who have babysat, carpooled or supervised sleepovers- Thanks. To any of you who have listened to me vent when things were out of control- Thank you. To anyone who has shared wine with me- Thank you. To his teachers- Thank You.
But most of all- Thank You Liam. I know I was not always the perfect parent, but I hope you won't have to pay for too many years of therapy to fix what I did wrong. You taught me how to put someone else's needs before my own. You taught me how to have unconditional love. You taught me how to control the things you can, but to just let go of the things you can't. You taught me how to be a mom and that is the best thing in the world.