The Fly

Grandma took her own sweet time at everything.  Before the stroke when she would tell a story each sentence was followed by a deliberate long drag off her cigarette.  She would start- Well you know...long drag, inhale, slow exhale... I went to college at Murray State.  ...long drag, inhale, slow exhale...  That was a girls college in Kentucky.  ...long drag, inhale, slow exhale...  You get the point.  She could take an hour or two to finish her morning coffee ritual (instant, coffee rich, one spoonful of sugar).  The morning would start about two hours after Grandpa had been up.  He had most likely fed the birds, fixed a squeak somewhere in the house and was back from Value City by the time she woke up.  She had cataract surgery so until the 90's when she had surgery she had to wear these hideous pink rimmed Coke bottle glasses before she got her contacts in.  She wore dentures and while she would never be seen in public without them being seen by us grandkids didn't bother her.  She would get out of bed, put on the glasses and then put on her robe.  It was Velour and it zipped up.  She would then slowly come down the hall and sit at the speckled counter to have her coffee and cigarette.  She would take a paper towel and fold it in half to use as a coaster, set the coffee on it and light the cigarette.  And then we would wait.  Tiny sip, drag, inhale,exhale, make some comment about how Lou Holtz was a SOB, drag, inhale exhale, sip...  you knew it was going to be a while before she got moving if the cards came out and she lined up a game of solitaire.

Well one morning she took exceptionally long to get up and Grandpa was off doing something.  Ness and I had spent the night there and we were just plain bored.  There were only 5 channels of tv and there was nothing on so we were just bound to get in trouble.  Grandma finally finished the routine and was out in the living room watching tv.  Ness crept into her room and got the robe and the glasses.  She came walking out into the living room with the glasses and the robe on covered up her teeth with her lips and said- Look- THE FLY!!!!!  It didn't help that the movie was one of blockbusters that summer and it really didn't help that Ness looked both like a fly and like Grandma.  Ness got in trouble for the prank and I got in trouble just because it was easier for Grandma to have us all in trouble that to single somebody out.  Being in trouble meant having to sit on separate couches while Grandma went out and smoked another cigarette.  Being in trouble also meant that we had nothing to do but sit and look at each other and plan how we were going to prank her again.  oh yeah- and throw pillows at each other.  SCORE!!!!!