It was Sunday morning, January 18th, 2009. A day forever etched in history. Liam, Owen, and I had just gotten back from Mass. Mike had to be at church for Religious Ed and he was going to the later service. I was probably cleaning something and I heard silence. That silence when you know your kids should be making kid noises and you hear nothing. That silence when you know something is wrong. I started looking for Owen. Liam was 12 so I figured he was probably ok. I looked everywhere and couldn't find Owen. Finally I looked in the bathroom. There he stood, very proudly, with his Diego potty training seat around his neck. After gagging thinking about what might possibly be lingering on that seat I tried to help him get the seat off. It wouldn't budge. In addition to my good looks, all my children have my big head. Not in a conceited sense, but we all have really big round heads. My kids could wear adult hats by the time they were 8. Anyway, I thought I better take a picture of this because I will want Owen to remember this some day. I had no idea it would get to the level that it did. I took the picture and then tried to get the seat off again. No luck. I put oil on the seat thinking it would help it slide off. No luck. I called my dad who of course couldn't do anything because he was 8 hours away, but it was worth a shot. By this time Owen was getting scared. It was funny for a few minutes, but he was starting to cry. I didn't know what to do so I headed to the ER.
The trip to the ER was nuts. Owen couldn't fit in his car seat because of the toilet seat. He kept asking over and over if the doctor would get it off. Liam was in the front seat in tears because he was laughing so hard. I called my friend Anna on the way. When she answered the phone I said in a very shaky voice (because I was trying not to laugh) that I was on the way to the ER. I heard her jump up as if to get her keys and meet me at the ER as she asked why. When I told her that Owen had a toilet seat stuck on his head I just burst out crying. I was seriously crying because I was trying so hard not to laugh.
We got to the ER and I walked in, holding my child's hand, with my head held high. This could have happened to anyone. Right??? We went to the desk and I am still laughing/crying and met what had to be the dullest, least personable person I have ever met.
Ms. Personality: Name?
Me: Owen R O B I S O N ( you have to spell it because they never get it right and they still don't get it right most of the time)
Ms. Personality: Date of Birth
Me: Owen's DOB
Ms.Personality: What is the problem?
Me: He has a toilet seat stuck on his head. ( As if it wasn't obvious. Did she think we were trying to start a new fashion trend. Or did she think that was his special toy that he wouldn't leave home without? WTF???)
Ms. Personality: Can I get your insurance card? Ok - take a seat.
I mean really- she didn't even crack a smile.
Luckily I knew that we would not be considered a priority so I had brought Owen's Leap Frog for him to play while we waited. Unfortunately, he couldn't see the game so he got really frustrated. So frustrated that he tucked his head in and yanked that toiled seat right off. We cheered- YAY!!! Owen went up to Ms. Personality and said "I got it off". She looked at him, never changed expression and said "so do you still need to be seen?"
Thank goodness we did not get fully checked in so we were not billed and it did not go down on Owen's medical history. I am not sure what getting a toilet seat could exclude you from later in life as pre-existing medical condition, but I am sure the insurance companies would definitely try.
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